Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again
Lyrics from “Say” by John Mayor

I just finished a yummy dinner with close friends reminiscing. Two of the close friends that I ate with and enjoy spending time with have been married for about five years. To some of you that doesn’t seem like long but to me who  has never been married, it does. Knowing that I would be blogging about communication in relationships I asked them “ What helps you keep communication strong in your marriage?’ They responded “Openly talk and most importantly don’t keep secrets.”

What they were saying rang true to me. A couple of times in my relationship with Colby I have thought about not telling him about some things that have happened because they might  upset him or cause some controversy in our relationship. Each time that I thought about this a good friends advice had rung out in my head “Once you start keeping secrets it breaks apart your relationship and builds a wall that separates the two of you.” I believe that she spoke the truth because as much as I may have been scared of his reaction to something, not telling him brings us farther apart. After telling him I felt like he knew more about me, maybe understood me better and built a stronger relationship.

Last weekend Colby and I went camping and had a chance to talk about things that went beyond how our day to day lives are. We didn’t have the T.V., chores, or our cell phones to distract us. If only we could make this happen more often. Unfortunately our lives don’t work way. It made me think though about ways to keep this open honest communication going in our day to day lives.

One thing I thought about was a date night that could happen ideally once a a week but realistically once a month. It would involve going someplace that would give us a chance to talk and focus on each other with out the distractions. It could even involve going out to dinner. I think it would be great to plan ahead of time things that I want to talk about, even write them down. I often find myself forgetting things so this would help to jar my memory.

Another thing I thought about was giving yourself an opportunity to get away someplace for a short time, like the camping trip we took.  The time you have to relax also brings great opportunities to talk about things that may not affect our day to day lives. No one has the excuse to go take care of something else too. I think we are all a little bit better listeners when away because we can put the to do list aside.

I know life brings many challenges and I have heard over and over from many people who have been married for years about the importance of communication. I can’t promise that my marriage will have all the right stuff to always keep communication open, honest, and frequent. I can promise that we will try.