Ironbridekristy's Blog

      As the last weekend of Iron Brides is fast approaching I wanted to take the time to reflect and speak candidly about my experience. My fiance asked me recently “Do you regret being on the show?”  This question came after seeing me exhausted from this big commitment that I made and upset by people on the show that had stirred up drama. As I ponder that particular question I  have to go back to the beginning and my reason for being where I am today.

          On a snowy day in January I walked into a wedding expo with a couple of my friends. I wasn’t overly impressed with the vendor selection that was there but I was curious about this show that several girls approached me about. Iron Brides, they called it and they kept talking about how much fun they had on the show, learning  new skills about life. I decided to audition not thinking I would ever be picked. It was an easy process. After I left the expo I was determined to learn as much about Iron Brides as I could.

             By the time I was called back for the second audition I had a better understanding of the show. I had seen several episodes and checked out the website. I was drawn to the show because it didn’t  seem like the typical reality show. The goal didn’t seem to be to make a mockery of the contestents but to genuinly try to help them to better prepare for their weddings and life beyond. All of us that attended that second audition were excited and hoping for the opportunity to be on it.

         Hooray! I was one of the final eight selected. When I told my family and friends about it they either told me I was crazy or were genuinely excited that they were going to see me on television. I committed to the show because I was looking for a new adventure, to meet some new people, but most importantly to experience something new.

           Then filming began and so did the time commitment, blogging and long weekends filming. I know when I look back at it all a few memories will stand out for me. I will forever remember the day I got to fly a plane and go banana boating with a bunch of girls that I barely knew. I’ll also be thankful for all the pampering we received like massages.

          Through this process I have learned some new skills that I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to otherwise.  Through the show I have also found more of an appreciation of Colby, my fiance. I have dwelled deeper into the depths of our relationship and discussed topics with him that wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. I have alsoI grown to realize as filming continued that the true iron bride is the complete package. Someone who has strength and courage in herself and in her relationship. In order to survive in a marriage you have to walk into it with your eyes wide open. You need to have a good understanding of yourself and that person you walk down the aisle with.

             So now I return to that big question “Do I regret being on Iron Brides?” I can say with all certainty I do not. I have gotten all I wanted out of it. I have experienced new things that I never would have otherwise. I have made some new friends that have brought some fun into my life.Win or lose I don’t regret any of it. As for the drama, I guess that is to be expected with a bunch of  girls competing for a grand prize.

Barry teaching me how to dance

          “Shake, Rattle and Roll” the lyrics to the song that I have been learning how to swing dance to keeps echoing in my head. Tomorrow the competition at the Arthur Murray Studio will commence. We’ve been practicing for a couple of weeks and I will now be judged on orginality, showmanship and technique. I’m feeling both nervous and excited to show off what I have learned.

            When I learned that I would receive six free lessons a couple of weeks ago I couldn’t wait to get started.My fiance, Colby, and I made appointments for our lessons at the Burlington Arthur Murray Studio. This is where we met Barry our outgoing, enthusiastic instructor. We informed him of our interest in swing dancing. We won’t be dancing this style for our first dance but we figured that the wedding was awhile away so why not do something fun for our six free lessons. He started us off teaching the basic footwork and then we  moved on to moving, shaking, and turning.

            I didn’t know what to expect when we first started, I was worried about complicated dance moves and too many steps that needed to be memorized too quickly . The first three lessons moved at a slower pace because Barry was teaching both Colby and I the moves. The last three lessons Colby ,unfortunatly, could not attend so we moved at a faster pace. Barry had me moving all over the dance floor. The biggest challenge was trying to follow what he had planned for the next move. I never knew what to expect.

        I’m glad that Colby could share some of this experience with me. He likes learning how to dance and took learning the new steps seriously. I’m sad though that he won’t be able to dance with me tomorrow. I know that he would have gotten into it and really enjoyed the opportunity. I look forward to learning a new dance like  the waltz or rhumba for our wedding first dance. This experience was our warm up for future dance lessons.

         I’m nervous to dance with someone I’ve never danced with tomorrow. Will I be able to follow their lead? Will they be able to include the moves I’ve learned? How much showmanship can two people who have never danced together before show? All these questions are running through my head.

                By then end of the sixth lesson I felt like I had a better sense of the “swing” dancing style and I realized that it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.  I would reccomend to anyone interested in dancing lessons to try Arthur Murray. They know how to simplify the process and move at your pace. My last dancing blog mentioned my desire to lead all the time. I now  have more appreciation for the “follow” role and have learned to let the guy take the helm.  I just hope I don’t step on his toes tomorrow.

Swing the Mood

       Black and white elegance and a touch of color on the tie, the man in the tuxedo can be very pleasing to look at. My fiance doesn’t get dressed up that often so I am looking forward to seeing him in the tuxedo of his choice on our wedding day. I want him to be comfortable, look sharp, and not feel like he broke the bank by wearing the tuxedo. These are the qualities that we will look for when selecting the tuxedo.

              I started to research the tuxedo industry to see what my fiance, Colby, had in store for himself.  I discovered that the tuxedo isn’t as simple as I thought it would be. There are numerous styles, designers, and ways to add color by adding bow ties, cumberbunds, and vests. There are also special touches to spice the tuxedo up such as adding a top hat, suspenders, or handkerchief to the breast pocket.

                My fiance is more interested in renting than buying because he doesn’t like to get dressed up often enough to buy one. This of course is the more inexpensive option for the wedding day which is appealing to him too. There are numerous places to rent tuxedos from ma and pop shops to stores that are part of a more corporate industry. I decided to research the latter.

                      I checked out the websites for two larger vendors, Mr. Tux and Men’s Warehouse. I also checked out numerous reviews of these vendors on websites like Yelp, Shared Reviews, and Citysearch. All three of these sites give people the opportunity to share their opinions and experiences of a store so that others can decide whether or not to shop there. I did keep in mind that more often, the people that write on these sites are frustrated and want to vent than express their gratitude. 

                   Both places require you to come in to their store and have a consultation which would include selecting the style of your choice and getting measured for the proper fit. Once you have the right tuxedo you are given a date to come and pick the tuxedo up. After reading the reviews I highly recommend picking the tux up a few days prior to the wedding and trying the tuxedo on when you pick it up. If there are any problems then you have some time for the store to fix the problem. The last part of the procedure for rentals is to make sure you return it. I also recommend that you look into this part of the procedure because most places will charge you if you don’t return it on time. Beware of the hours of the store and the time you will have to get there to return it!

         Mr. Tux and Men’s Warehouse both have multiple locations to rent from in the United States. This makes it easier for out of town groomsmen to rent and recieve the same tux and special deals. They both also have a wide selection of tuxes and have experience because they have been in the business for numerous years (Men’s Warehouse 30 years, Mr. Tux 65 years). I believe that both offer a special deal if five groomsmen rent their tuxes than the groom gets to rent his for free.

              Based on the reviews that I read it seems that Men’s Warehouse is great at quick service and helping people out that are in a bind. They have a reputation of being the market leader in tuxedo rentals nationwide. Mr. Tux is great at fitting all sizes and is more accommodating to a later return date. People were also pleased with the drop box that is available for returns if the store is closed. In both locations the quality of service depended upon who you spoke to. Some people were very happy with it and others were not.

           All this research has given me a better idea of what Colby will look like on our wedding day. I can picture Colby standing at the end of the aisle on our wedding day. Before the tears erupt I can see him standing there in a three button notch lapel, a blue vest that matches the bridesmaids dresses, rose pinned to his jacket, clean shaven, and a big grin on his face as he sees me walking toward him.

                I can’t wait for that day and most of all I can’t wait for that moment. The tux is a piece of that moment. A piece of the memory that I hope to remember for the rest of my life.

“Just say yes dear whatever you want” is how a male friend remarked to me about what he learned he should say when his bride to be was deciding some piece of the wedding. I guess he felt as though whenever he gave his input it was never received very well and his fiance always seemed to want the opposite.

More often than not  I’ve heard that the groom likes to stay out of the planning process. Brides can be passionate about the way they think certain things need to be like the location of the wedding and the wedding colors.  This is because a lot of women have had this dream wedding in their head for years and don’t want anyone to take away some of the key elements in their “picture perfect wedding.” Maybe men choose to stay out of it because they don’t want to squelch our dreams. Maybe they choose to stay out of it because it really doesn’t matter to them what our wedding colors are. Maybe they just want us to be happy on the day that is traditionally known as ”our big day.”  

July 11, 2010 is the date for our big wedding event. We have been planning for about a year and so far I think Colby,my fiance,  has put  in a good amount of input into our wedding. I asked him how much ”say” he feels that he has given to the plans of our wedding and he responded  ”I don’t think I have put in a lot of input or a little but somewhere in the middle.” 

I think we both are more excited about the actual day and event then the process it takes to get there. I know that I have fully taken charge when it comes to finding venues and vendors. After I research and select a few places he has always been by my side to visit them and make the final decision. When he almost couldn’t meet with a DJ because of other plans he cancelled them because he felt it was important for him to be there.

I love and embrace it when he takes a particular interest in some part of the wedding. I want him to feel like this is our event and that pieces of it represent who he is too. So I was happy and agreed when he selected George Straits “Carried Away” as our first dance. I listened to the song and thought it was sweet. I was excited when he initiated planning the honeymoon. He wants to plan a surprise. Some people think I am crazy for relinquishing control over this but I think it is romantic.

I think that we have struck a fair balance in our decision making. He is with me every step of the way to make the major decisions pertaining to the wedding. If Colby was more aggressive and wanted to put alot more input into all the little things, I think we may start to butt heads. Like I said before I want him to feel like he is a part of this process but I am happy that he isn’t passionate about the way everything has to be like our wedding colors and favors. That’s my job.

Colby and I decided to get married on a Sunday. Because we know that most of our family and friends won’t be able to stay overnight on Sunday,due to work the next day, we wanted to find a way to make our wedding into more of a weekend event. Our grand idea was to have a barbacue the day before the wedding. The morning part would be more of a rehearsal brunch and the afternoon would be open to the more family and friends perhaps even the entire wedding. To conserve on paper and postage the invitation would be sent with the wedding invitation but on a separate flyer.

We started to look at possible places to have our spectacular event. We wanted a place that has an awning or indoor facility in case it rains, someplace inexpensive, that has lots of room for play. We are still currently looking for a place but one of the biggest contenders right now is a recreation park in Holden, close to our wedding venue. The park has everything mentioned above along with a fishing pond and several trails to walk on. If we could have our BBQ here it would be ideal.

If  money was no object I can envision our BBQ decorated with tiki torches, watermelon decorative lights hanging around the awning, and two citronella candles as the centerpieces on all the picnic tables. I want the BBQ to be decorated with the classic picnic colors red, black, and white. I also would like for all the picnic tables to have matching red gingham tableclothes. There would be an assortment of silverware, cups and plates in red gingham as well. For the children that will be attending I would also put on each table a couple of bottles of bubbles and a cup full of colorful pinwheels.

I forsee the day to be full of opportunities to participate in outdoor sporting events. The first rehearsal part of the day would be a bit more scheduled including a wedding rehearsal, handing out of wedding party gifts, and honoring our dear family and friends. This part of the day the “brunch” would included catered food like eggs, sausages, pancakes, eggs benedict, ham. The drinks would include orange juice, apple juice, coffee, tea and mimosas of course!

The afternoon includes more family and friends and would be more easy going. People would be able to hike, play volleyball, canoe, play croquet, or simple enjoy the company of each other. The food that would be provided for the afternoon would be hot dogs, hamburgers, barbacue chicken, potatoe salad, fruit salad, chili, chips, and an a assortment of desserts.

We want the event to be leisurely and for people to have different options of things to do, whether it be a sporting activity or relaxing with other guests. We want people to have fun and enjoy the atmosphere, maybe even meet someone new.

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again
Lyrics from “Say” by John Mayor

I just finished a yummy dinner with close friends reminiscing. Two of the close friends that I ate with and enjoy spending time with have been married for about five years. To some of you that doesn’t seem like long but to me who  has never been married, it does. Knowing that I would be blogging about communication in relationships I asked them “ What helps you keep communication strong in your marriage?’ They responded “Openly talk and most importantly don’t keep secrets.”

What they were saying rang true to me. A couple of times in my relationship with Colby I have thought about not telling him about some things that have happened because they might  upset him or cause some controversy in our relationship. Each time that I thought about this a good friends advice had rung out in my head “Once you start keeping secrets it breaks apart your relationship and builds a wall that separates the two of you.” I believe that she spoke the truth because as much as I may have been scared of his reaction to something, not telling him brings us farther apart. After telling him I felt like he knew more about me, maybe understood me better and built a stronger relationship.

Last weekend Colby and I went camping and had a chance to talk about things that went beyond how our day to day lives are. We didn’t have the T.V., chores, or our cell phones to distract us. If only we could make this happen more often. Unfortunately our lives don’t work way. It made me think though about ways to keep this open honest communication going in our day to day lives.

One thing I thought about was a date night that could happen ideally once a a week but realistically once a month. It would involve going someplace that would give us a chance to talk and focus on each other with out the distractions. It could even involve going out to dinner. I think it would be great to plan ahead of time things that I want to talk about, even write them down. I often find myself forgetting things so this would help to jar my memory.

Another thing I thought about was giving yourself an opportunity to get away someplace for a short time, like the camping trip we took.  The time you have to relax also brings great opportunities to talk about things that may not affect our day to day lives. No one has the excuse to go take care of something else too. I think we are all a little bit better listeners when away because we can put the to do list aside.

I know life brings many challenges and I have heard over and over from many people who have been married for years about the importance of communication. I can’t promise that my marriage will have all the right stuff to always keep communication open, honest, and frequent. I can promise that we will try.

                          Ahhh the perfect topic for my blog this week.  I packed up my classroom and said goodbye to my class yesterday. An hour ago I was packing and shopping for a camping trip. The sun came out and I could see people outside enjoying it as I drove into town. Summertime has officially begun.

                             This is one of the joys of being a teacher ten weeks off to do as I wish. This is my time to relax, reflect, catch up, and rejuvenate.  I also like to travel and see friends. Whatever it is I am doing everything seems sweeter because I am using my own time to do what I want to do with it. I always feel filled up with a new kind of energy.

                             The past few summers I got the opportunity to travel with one of my best friends, Brie,  and help out in a community. We’ve been to Mexico helping out in an orphanage, New Orleans gutting out houses, and Costa Rica taking care of animals at a sanctuary. All these experiences have been very positive and uplifting for me. I’ve met new people, learned about different cultures, given back to a community, and had a new appreciation for the things I have. These experiences are part of my most treasured memories.

                 I also use the free time I have to catch up on things I didn’t have time to do before like fixing small repairs on my car, writing letters or visiting a friend I haven’t seen in awhile. I love going to eat with friends at a restaurant that has outdoor seating near water, like in Newburyport or Portsmouth. These are places where you can watch the people go by. In New England, in the summertime, people seem to come alive after being cooped up for so long.

                         In future summers I would like to continue exactly what I have been doing. I would like to continue traveling to new places (Europe, baby here I come!), catching up on unfinished things, and spending time with friends. I feel like the summertime is my opportunity for adventure and fun! I hope I always feel that way.

                 Winning a large sum of money can open up so many doors to freedom and adventure.   If I won the lottery money would no longer be stressful and I wouldn’t have to hold back on some desires I have in life like traveling. I would also be able to shower the people and organizations that I care about with generous amounts of the money that they need. 

                   The first way that I would spend the money is  traveling the world meeting new people and discovering new cultures. I would take as many friends as I could. So many people I know now can’t travel because of the expense so it would be nice to be able to provide that for my them. I would just love having them there.

                 Besides traveling the world I would love to  buy a new house or pay for someone to come finish the house we currently have. My fiance has spent many hours working on this house and there is still much to be done. I would love to free up that time for him.   If we kept the current house I would add on to it because it is small and we will be starting a family. If we bought a new house it would be bigger, closer to the ocean, with more land attached to it.      

              I would still work because I don’t think spending money and traveling would be enough to make me feel useful and fufilled. I would continue to do what I am doing now, teaching. However I would love to do it in another country and teach for a nonprofit organization.  I wouldn’t be paid for teaching it would be volunteer work.  I would be able to contribute to society while still being able to enlighten students. That is one of the things that I love about teaching. I would also like to volunteer for the red cross and help out when a natural disaester strikes someplace. I would like to feel like I can do something to help but I never have had the time to do so.

            I would research the organizations that I feel the most drawn to decide where I would like to contribute some of the money I win. Some that would peek my interest are the American Cancer Society, the Humane Society, and the World Wildlife Federation. Cancer affects so many of us and the more research there is the closer we come to a cure. The Humane Society and Word Wildlife Federation protect and help sustain animal life. I love animals and I love these organization’s causes.       

                  The lottery can cause some burdens too. When we think of the possibility of winning the lottery we think of the endless amounts of things that money can buy. The reality of most lottery winners is that they become bombarded with people that want a piece of what they have, some genuine some just looking for a piece of the action. It can be hard to differentiate which is which.

                I would love to share the money with people that I know currently in my life who could use it in some way. Whether it be paying for expensive medical bills to treat a sick pet or finding a way to pay for daycare for a baby. Both are tough current situations that people I love in my life are struggling with. If I won the lottery I could say “Here this should take care of the problem…”

                     It’s fun to think of the endless possibilities that the lottery can bring. Even though there are some downfalls I don’t think very many people would turn down a large sum of money coming there way, myself included. So I think I shall go out and buy a lottery ticket today so I can continue dreaming .

Dancing Practice

  “Please let me lead the dance!” are the words I often heard from my fiance as we learned the steps for a new salsa dance move. I struggled not to be the one in control and let my fiance take the lead ,my biggest weakness, when we dance together. I guess it’s better then stepping on his toes all the time, right? Anyway our only experience taking dance lessons together was learning how to salsa. I love dancing as you can see from the picture of me above dancing with my nephew Christian. My fiance enjoyed our salsa dance experience too and wants to take ballroom dancing lessons for our special dance on our wedding day. So I did some research on ballroom dancing to help us to see what styles that we may be interested in trying.

        Ballroom dancing  is a big genre! When researching the history and styles there was endless amounts of information. Some of the different types of ballroom dancing are:

• Waltz (Modern and Viennese)
• Tango
• Foxtrot
• Quickstep
• Swing
• Rhumba
• Samba
• Mambo

These different dances have different histories, erupted in different geographic locations, and have diverse rhythms and tempos. What they do have in common and what makes them a “ballroom dance” is they are all danced by couples that have a “closed hold” or five areas of body contact. These dances began at balls and where formal social dances were held prior to radio and television.  In fact the word “ball” derives from the latin word “ballare” which means to dance. I like the romance of the earlier eras when these dances began, where you could get dressed up, dance a traditional dance, and meet your potential mate. 

              Researching which dances appealed to me was tough. Not only were there so many but I couldn’t find the ones I was drawn to by looking at a bunch of words. SO I went to the best source I could think of, the source that has peeked interest in ballroom dancing for the past couple of years, the t.v. show Dancing with the Stars. After watching several episodes and asking my fiance’s opinion my top three choices for ballroom dancing are swing dancing, the modern waltz, and the samba.

               Swing dancing is energetic, lively, and fun. When  I picture a couple swing dancing I literally picture a guy swinging a girl side to side and between his legs. This dance commonly refers to a group of dances that evolved with a style of jazz during the 1920′s, 30′s and 40′s. I can remember in the 90′s when a movie called “Swing Kids” came out. All of a suddent I heard people talking about taking swing dance classes. They seemed to be having so much fun dancing in the movie that I have been interested in taking a swing dance class ever since.

                The samba is a bouncy, fun, and exciting dance.  When I picture a couple doing the samba I picture shaky hips and shaky body movements moving around the dance floor. The samba originated in Brazil and is danced there in street celebrations and festivals. It was first introduced here in the broadway play “Street Carnival” and has survived because of its festive and fun movements that fit our modern music. I like it for its lively and active movements.

             The waltz is slow and romatic dance. When I picture the waltz I envision a couple gliding slowly around the dance floor with dips here and there. It has its roots in the suburbs of Vienna and the Alpine region of Austria. The waltz was danced in ballrooms and for smaller festive occasions in both locations. I like it for it’s slow but romatic movements

             All three of these dances I would like to try and participate in. I’m lucky to have a fiance that is open to trying new dances too. When it comes to our wedding dance we will be staying traditional and dancing the waltz. I would love to dance the swing dance or samba there too, but that won’t happen in a princess wedding dress. Until we get the chance to take dance lessons I will keep practicing with my nephew, he has no problems letting me lead.